Some Mothers Can’t Celebrate #MothersDayWeekend

Courtesy https://pxhere.com/en/photo/745052

Yesterday I watched a mother and her son admire my friend’s works at her Art Show, and my heart hurt as I thought about how a God-given privilege has been cruelly snatched away from many by government-approved institutions like Child Welfare Agencies in Ontario, Canada, and the “developed world”. For many mothers, an evening with their child is not possible. They can no longer have those moments with their children because the system has deemed their families unsafe for their children. These mothers are not drug-using, addicted, jailed, sick or dead mothers but mothers who are doing their best to meet the needs of their children.

Mothers are being celebrated everywhere on print, radio, TV, billboards and the internet this Mothers Day Weekend. Among the celebrants and the celebrated are those who have been instrumental in taking away the joy of motherhood from others. Here in Ontario, foster-mothers, counselors and social workers take steps that cause children’s lives to be derailed and in some cases exterminated, and then they go home to celebrate on weekends like this. They do this backed by laws while birth-mothers mourn their losses. The phrase “in the best interests of the child” is touted at different levels and decisions taken remain in the worst interest of the child. Where a mother refuses to let go, parental-alienation tactics are used to ensure that the child rejects their mothers.

The law protects foster-mothers but birth-mothers are left floundering. A foster-mother gets a one-step complaint process with Ontario’s Ministry of Youth and Children’s Services but birth-mothers have to jump through hoops, before they get someone to listen to them, knowing that listening doesn’t mean action. The system funds group homes where children become drug users within a month, make truancy a habit, basically ruin their own lives and no-one cares. Birth-mothers watch with broken hearts and lives while the government-backed institutions destroy their children’s lives. They pray that their child will not be the body of the 16-year old found dead in an alley or the 18-year old whose body was found six months after being declared missing behind the group home where he lived. These birth-mothers hope and pray that their child will not be the next one to kill themselves or be killed while in care. They hope and pray they do not receive that news. They hope and pray that in spite of this system that punishes responsible birth-parents, that one day their children will truly be allowed to “live” again.

As Canada celebrates Mothers Day weekend, these mothers cry for justice, they cry out for change in this system. As you celebrate Mothers Day, lend your voice and your pen to the cries of these mothers who do not want to be celebrated for a weekend, but who want their children to receive the love they need to be balanced and successful, so that they will live lives worthy of being celebrated.

The Other Side of The Coin

I heard it many times, indeed I’ve heard it before

There are always 2 sides to a coin

Spoken, advised and counselled

I thought my side was the only side

Though I said otherwise, my actions spoke louder

Offenses, offended and offending

Constant turmoil was my lot

With friends, family and foes alike

No peace, no joy and no way forward

Stagnated, immovable with heart rended

Then along came Zhenyi, Bev, Randeep and Wendy

And they opened my eyes to new ways of seeing

Seeing, being and living life through new lenses

These coins had other sides

Dare to see the other side, I learnt

I did, and freedom was mine

Enlightened, I realized…

Am not a know-all, see-all and be-all

My past is not the only past and my present, not the only one

If I paused to listen and consider, I will find

There’s something beyond my sight and experience

Places I haven’t been and situations I hadn’t encountered

If I took the time to be patient, I will discover

Those lives I haven’t lived and moments still unmet

It took me a while, in a long and hard way

But I can tell you from this walk

There are indeed, 2 sides to every coin, even my own

There can be no Women's Empowerment without the Sisterhood #IWD2018

C. Joybell C., a leading female thinker and award-winning writer, said “The only thing that makes our gender weaker, is the fact that we are the gender less likely to stand up for the other. We are the gender more likely to try and make another look bad, and when one of us is already bad, instead of being kind, we pound them into the ditches. And that's what makes us weak, nothing else. If we can change this, we can change the whole structure of our being female, I truly believe this. Personally, I grew up admiring other women and wanting to be friends with them, but unfortunately, I learned the hard way that they were the ones who would hurt me. Women hurt other women all too often, and that's a fact.” Do these words sound familiar to you?

Today is International Women’s Day. A day set aside to celebrate and encourage women. On this day different organizations will join the “me too” bandwagon, in their bid to be politically correct. Today multinationals, non-profits, governments, political juggernauts and doyens of industry will roll out a gamut of advertisements, speeches, events and social media to endorse women’s empowerment and commemorate March 8. But after all these activities what comes next? Do women really become stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights, because of these activities?

From the experiences shared by women like C. Joy C and many others, the empowerment of women is more than the activism on podiums and parks promoted in the media. True empowerment of women comes from the bonds of genuine sisterhood. When women rise to support other women, beginning from within their communities, all women are strengthened – both the supporter, the supported and the community at large. Without a sisterhood that builds the broken, supports the weak and unites the divided, women empowerment may very well be all bluff and bluster.

This is not the social media support to a woman far away whom you may never meet or the advocacy against a perceived or anticipated wrong. Activism is good but let us start by healing and helping fellow women near us. Begin with women at work, your neighbour, your clients, the little girl in your class. Do it not because it makes you look good but because there is strength in unity. How can you claim to support those you don’t know when those who know you are languishing? The sisterhood is around first, before abroad.

In our bid for this empowerment, we hear it said directly or implied that men hold us down but for many the worst pain has come more often from fellow women than men. From female supervisors who are insensitive to the working conditions of pregnant staff, to female helping professionals stigmatizing their female clients. What about that fear that makes struggling women keep their challenges to the point of death rather than expose themselves to the ridicule and stigma from sisters who use their tongues as weapons of mass destruction? Nobody really wants to be branded with their challenge. From Church to the secular world, from mosque to school, we see women who amplify the limitations of their kind instead of supporting them through it.

For women to be truly empowered, the sisterhood needs to be all-encompassing, welcoming and accommodating. Some may disagree and say that there is a sisterhood of women that is all these and more, because they have a sisterhood of friends or faith partners. However, the sisterhood that will remove the barriers to the empowerment of women cannot afford to be that narrow. Genuine sisterhood will have to be one that embraces and supports everyone that needs it regardless of age, colour, status or creed. As Barbara W. Winder, the 11^th general president of the Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says, “We can have unity in diversity and diversity in unity. We don't have to be like one another to enjoy sisterhood.”    

On this International Women’s Day, let us remember that men are in many cases not the enemy. For many women in our world today, the enemy is another woman, whether a colleague at work, a church or mosque member, a mother-in-law or even a “friend”. As we give those speeches and write those posts, today, let us remember that the sisterhood needs to be strong to truly empower the sisters. We women need to start reaching out of our comfort circles to the different whether in opinion, position, status, or any other, because as Robin Benway puts it, “there’s one thing stronger than magic: sisterhood”.

Moments of Peace

https://www.tes.com/lessons/g13q0ilBNTFIJg/hannah-prays-for-a-son

I would say that I understood the sorrow of Hannah especially at the moment when she laid before the Lord at Shiloh and wept in anguish, praying for a child. I do not. Even though I’ve wept before the Lord severally for my children. What I do know is that she went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad after Eli the priest blessed her [ISamuel 1: 10-18].
I wonder about that moment when she received the peace that took away her distress, and I understand this.

There is a moment when we receive peace right in the center of the storms of life. There is that moment where we have no clue about the way out, but we just find our spirits relaxing in the assurance that “God’s got this!”
That is the moment of freedom. It is that moment I seek, when the waves of despair buffet me and I don’t know what to do. This is the moment that keeps me in Him, praying to Him, relying on Him as He uses the problems I face to bring people into my life to help me, or even to be helped by me.

These moments of peace when the chaos around seems unending are the reason we stay in Faith. It is because we know deep down that no matter how terrible the troubles we face or the crisis we find ourselves, He will take care of us and bring us through it in victory.

You see, God's got this!

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD: When Your Kinsman Does not Help

Have you ever felt bad that a family member didn't help you when you thought they could? 

See what the Lord told me about that:

He referred me to the book of Ruth and reminded me that there was a kinsman closer than Boaz to help Naomi but that kinsman refused to help her. Because that person said "No", Boaz became Noami's kinsman-redeemer. Boaz not only redeemed Naomi's husband's land, he also married her daughter-in-law and gave her a grand child to carry on the lineage of her husband and son. 

When she came back from the land of Moab, she told them to call her "Mara", because her life was bitter. She was helpless and unhelped by her closest relative, but God sent another, not the expected person, but somebody who would do more, to give her more support than she could have imagined.

Do you feel like your closest relatives have abandoned you? Know that there is a kinsman-redeemer, someone not even as close as your expected but close enough to be used by the Master to meet your need. 

Take your focus off your expected ones and trust God because, he is sending you someone and something better than you expected. #TrustHim [The Book of Ruth, Ephesians 3:20]. 

Rest assured that your Kinsman-Redeemer is coming!

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD: The Pencil

Me:       How long, o God, will I wait for your intervention? I have obeyed your word to the best of my ability. I have been kind and good, forgiving those who wrong(ed) me and helping those in need. I have not avenged the wickedness and cruelty I've received from others. 

Lord, I have been praying for so long, and many have been praying for me, yet the issues remain. Why are you not doing anything? Why can't I see a change? I am tired of waiting, Lord, I am tired.

God: My dear child, I am here with you. I will not let any harm come to you. Though it seems I am not doing anything, I am still in control. I do not want you to depend on the best of your ability because it is not enough in a world where you are hated by the enemy for being made in my image. You need to depend on my ability to help you. This trial is for your promotion. 

Do you see the pencil? It begins as a piece of wood and goes through trimming, drilling and paring. That piece of wood goes through pain to be sharpened for use. You have a divine purpose and this trial is trimming off relationships and habits that are hindering you from progressing into your purpose. Your experiences are drilling through your emotional weaknesses to replace them with the strength you need to overcome the challenges to your purpose. You are being sharpened to hone you for the fulfilment of your purpose. You are in the Master Woodworker's hands and he's paring off every piece that is not useful for your destiny. At the end, you will be sharp and pointed to focus on your purpose. 

Trust me, my darling child, I have your best in mind.

It Will End in Praise

How much pain can a man take? I asked

How much heartache can a woman endure? I wondered

Will this ever end? I thought?

What have I done to deserve this? I cried

A life full of challenges and limitations

Unanswered questions besieged me

I cried till my tears dried

Eyes hurting, chest heaving and mouth dry

And suddenly…

Just like a dream…

Broken pieces came together

Crooked lines aligned

Hope came alive

I couldn’t believe it…

Can this be happening? I doubted

Is this for real? I pondered

All this for me? I mused

My heart leapt, my eyes lit up and my mouth smiled

I heard it before, though hard to believe

I’ve read it somewhere, but never thought I’ll see it

But right before my eyes, it’s unfolding

This pain will end in praise

My endurance was worth it

I will triumph over the trauma

A victim no longer, because victory is now mine

Halleluyah!!!