BE FOOLISH

Yesterday, on my Community Centre event poster drop offs, I had an interesting experience.

At 5:15pm when I got to the parking lot, there were only two cars on the 60-car lot. It occurred to me that the centre was closed so I wanted to drive off. However, I decided to get down from the car and walk to the door. For courage, I told myself out loud “I’ll just be a fool and walk up to the door”. As I walked, I imagined people in the surrounding houses, peeping out of their windows and having a laugh at my expense. I ignored all those thoughts and got to the door. From outside, I could see a person at their reception and then the automatic doors parted open. SURPRISE!!! It was open! I walked in with a huge grin on my face. On the face of the man at the reception, you could see him wondering about my smile. I told him why I had the grin on.

As I walked out of that place, I wondered how many times we encounter situations like this where we conclude by the scene before us rather than the facts that we have verified. How many times do we judge the outcome negatively without having tried?

How many times have you thought to yourself “My boss won’t agree, see the scowl on her face” or “No-one cares about my idea”. As for me, I’ve had several of those kinds of situations and many times, I didn’t bother to try.

It’s a world of amazement out there when we stop listening to the cants, wonts and donts in our minds.

Today, I want to encourage you to try and be foolish. Risk mockery, disappointment and disdain. Pleasant surprises await you.

WHAT IF TOMORROW IS SILENT?

“…sounds you love but can no longer enjoy.” These are the words that end a radio ad by Canadian Hearing Society. 
As I heard those words, I thought about how my heart fills with joy when I hear my children laughing with one another and wondered what it would mean to lose my hearing and not be able to hear those sounds.

https://esserealis.wordpress.com/2015/05/01/being-real-silence/

Someone I know will always shush the children, saying they were making noise.

Those words made me dwell on how we take our hearing for granted. We assume that we will always be able to hear, so please World, be quiet for now until I am ready to bear your noise. What if you are no longer able to hear when you are willing or ready to hear the world? Think about it...

The sound of running water, crashing waves, howling winds, happy laughter of children, arguments during a game, music, the cheer of fans at your favourite sporting event or even the bitter arguments of disagreement.

Imagine life without sound…silence…lips moving, hands gesticulating, expressive faces…yet silence…only silence…

Be happy to hear. Enjoy the "noise". Appreciate the sounds, they may not last forever. Delight in hearing.

Enjoy what you hear today because you don't know the silence that tomorrow can bring.

Love Enough to Not Hate

My mother died when I was 6 years old and my father died when I was 41.

In all those years, my father never said a bad word about my mother or her family. He honoured her memory and was a consistent participant in all of her family’s events. Any opinions I formed about her family were based on my personal interactions and experiences with them. To me, this speaks to how much my father loved my mother. His love for her transcended her death.

During a time of mega-stress in my marriage relationship, one of my uncles pleaded with me not to say any bad thing about my husband to or in front of my children. I wish I could say I followed that advice.  However, I was forced to after my son told a friend how much it hurt him when I talked badly about his father and just in case that wasn’t enough, in a separate incident, my daughter also told me to stop talking badly about their father.

I learnt my lesson the hard way and since then, I’ve been thinking about my father’s relationship with my mother. One would say they must have had a perfect relationship but I remember clearly one episode, when I walked in on their quarrel, as a 5 or 6-year old. I believe my parents had a love-filled relationship but had times of relationship stress too. That part of their relationship was not shared with us even after my mother's passing.

Sometimes we hear people say they’re in their relationship for their children or that they can do anything for their children. But many times those same people leave scars on the hearts and psyche of the children that they love through their handling of issues with their partners. If we truly love our children, whether we’re still with their second parent or not, our love must be deep enough to not harbor bitterness for that individual even when they hurt us. We do not do it for them but for our children and ultimately, ourselves.

One of John Wooden’s most popular quotes says “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” This also applies to mothers too, the best thing a mother can do for her children is to love their father.

This is not the passionate erotic love with a sexual angle commonly found between spouses but a deliberate sacrificial love that enables one look beyond the actions, inactions, words and misdeeds of one's partner. This is not love based on merit, but love given as an act of will that overlooks foolishness and excuses weakness. 
This does not mean that you become an enabler of bad behavior but that we leave the door open for our children to relate with their second main blood relative. It also means that we do not burden our children with our disappointment with the individual or relationship.

True love never dies but true love can be rejected. If your love was rejected, don’t let that make you so bitter you begin to speak ill of your spouse to your children. It is hard for pain not to overflow but it is harder for us to watch our children suffer because of mistakes we made by not checking the outpouring of our pain.

"Crying in the Rain" Photo by Alaric Hartsock on Unsplash

It is hard to smile when all you really want to do is cry. It is hard, but as a friend says, it is better to cry in the rain because then, no one can tell the difference. To shield our children from the problems in our relationships with their second parent, we must learn to dignify the messes our partners have made. When the hurt is so bad, we must learn to cry in the rain so that we can protect the innocence of our children and allow them to discover, if necessary, the truth we have shielded them from.

It is not an easy thing to do but we can definitely try for the love of our children, to love enough to not hate!

OASES OF HOPE

In the last five years, I have experienced the unbelievable, endured unimaginable disappointments and suffered mind-boggling betrayals. My life almost seemed like a desert of unending turmoil. Sometimes, flashes of suicidal thoughts passed through my mind but my Faith kept me.

Many times, I felt like not going on. I wanted to just give up, coil up on my bed and sleep without waking up until the situation passed. The road was rough and the journey seemed endless but somewhere along my way, I run into a smooth patch that gives me a breather.

https://taqplayer.info/beautiful-desert-oasis

These past years have brought many people and positions my way. In some parts of my journey, I have met those that have held my hands over rocky terrain, I have met those that carried me when it appeared I couldn’t go on and I have met those who cheered me on. With these, I sometimes wondered why they cared so much for so long. 

I have also met those that invested so quickly, so deeply and then divested themselves of me almost magically. With these ones, I have wondered what I did to deserve their abandonment and rejection. Then I’ve met those who wanted to remind me, just in case I forgot, that I was not good enough, that I had not done enough or that I was doing too much of a “good” thing. With these ones, I sometimes got very sad but then I remember that they didn’t bring me here. I also remind myself that they had no part in my past so they cannot determine my future.

The turmoil I have undergone these past five years has made me sensitive and very grateful for those moments of respite when I encounter people and events that refresh my soul. These are the oases of hope in my life. These are the instants that encourage me to keep my eyes on the bright future ahead no matter how dim it may seem now. These are the moments that come my way when my neck is bent in pain and they lift my head up and cause a smile to flit across my face, even if fleeting.

I thought that good people don’t go through such pain, so I lived my life trying to be good. Now I know that good is a relative term that can be argued. People can assume the worst about you and believe rumours without bothering to know the truth. I am good, so I say, but many have told me how bad I am and how deserving I am of the difficulties I have faced. Some have said this to my face and some to others behind my back.

But you know what? These are the ones that make the desert seem longer and I do not mind them because they make me appreciate my oases of hope even more.

These oases show up when I least expect it and they tide me over the tough terrains. They are the ones who have kept me sane these past five years.

My oases of hope

braced me when I was broken

refreshed me when I was parched

filled me when I was empty

carried me when I couldn’t go on

comforted me when sorrow took me over

reminded me that trials and tribulation won’t last forever

encouraged me to believe in a better tomorrow

My oases of hope keep me in Faith

Why Are You Here?

Here we are, gathered with open faces

looking like we care, speaking like we care

but look beyond the façade and we see the motives

Some with passionate commitment are there

because they care about the issue

Some because they want to progress personal agendas 

have come to pretend that they do

They come with their own invites

They come to meet him and her

because when they do, they look like they care

It is so easy to be deceived

Our society isn’t looking at the heart but the acts

so the fakes and phonies continue to play their part

A skill so polished, it’s hard to doubt them

Why are you here?

Are you here because you care

or are you here to act the part?

I Want Everybody to Like Me

“I have been trying to be accepted, but God wants me to be myself.” I spoke them aloud out of a deep reverie this morning. These words were the conclusion of my thoughts on the use of my skills and talents, and my community relationships. I’ve learnt the hard way that that being yourself is better than being who people want to be. Those that won’t like you for being yourself will never like you for being what they want you to be.

As I mulled over these words, a close confidant that heard me spoke up and these were his words. “If people don’t like God who created them, why do you expect to be liked by everyone? God did many great miracles in the Bible and He still does great ones today yet there are many who are anti-God and hate Him. He saved His people from their enemies, parted the sea to make a way for them and even sacrificed His only son to save everyone, yet not everyone likes Him. If all people don’t like God, despite His goodness and power, then don’t expect everyone to like you. He is a scientific God that operates on principles. You cannot say because you love Him you will climb to the top of the CN Tower and jump down. He will not stop your death. There are people who hate Him and even get paid to malign His person and reputation but He doesn’t go after them for it. He still loves them but they reject His love and show Him how much they hate Him as often as they find the opportunity. He is impartial and consistent without double standards and in spite of it, not everyone likes Him.”

If you’ve been trying to fit into a certain mold, either of your own making to please people or of people’s making and it goes against your grain, diminishes your confidence in yourself and abilities or makes you feel less than yourself, it is time for you to stop. Stop trying to fit into a mold that is not you. As long as you think right, speak right and do right, please be yourself. Live your life on your own terms not on people’s terms. Do your best with what you have. Reach within yourself and find that voice that is authentically yours and then, use it. Use it to regain yourself for yourself not for anyone else.

Everybody cannot like you but you must like…, no, you must love yourself!

We Are Better Together

I need me as much as I need you

I need me as much as I need us

You need you as much as you need me

You need you as much as you need us

I am me, you are you

Together we are better than you or I

Together we make you and I better

Something in me is yearning for you

I am incomplete without you

I need you to be wholly me

I need me to be me

You need you to be you

We need us to truly be

Inspired by Margaret Wheatley’s “The Promise and Paradox of Community” http://www.margaretwheatley.com/articles/paradox.html, a reading recommended by Royal Roads University’s Organizational Culture Facilitators, Bev McPhee and Randeep Tut.

Poverty is…Everywhere.

POVERTY-MINDSET
http://www.alyciaskousen.com/

 Poverty is not the absence of money but the presence of the obsession to grab as much as 

one can for himself.

It respects financial wealth instead of character. 

It places the incredible above the credible.

It values fame more than faith.

Poverty is what compels a person to tell lies or half-truths about themselves, their abilities and achievements to intimidate their neighbour and look better than them. 

It drives one to compete rather than complement.

Poverty pressurises one to keep up with the Joneses.

It always strives to copy instead of being authentic.

It limits oneself or a fellow human by place of birth or status in life.

It blocks the thinking that opens up possibilities. 

https://donnapartow.com/poverty-mindset/

Poverty is that which keeps a person, an organisation or community set in their ways and unwilling to do things differently to make a change. 

It affects one’s thoughts, words and actions.

We see it at work everywhere in our world, both in Third world countries and even quite glaring in the developed countries.

It can be found in action amongst the economically prosperous, intellectually endowed and creatively talented.

Poverty is a mindset, subtle in its grip and pervasive in its reach. Poverty is…everywhere.

Put Him First

I’ve been worried sick by different relationships in the past couple of days.

Some people in my life seemed like they were no longer there. Relationships seemed to have cooled off.

My messages were not returned and every appointment seemed impossible to meet.

My mind has been whirling with all kinds of concerns. I kept running every conversation through my mind to find where I may have made a mistake.

Did I do something? Was it something I said?

Several thoughts about the situation came and went in my mind. These thoughts flowed through my mind morning, noon and night. I woke up, lived through the day and went to bed with them.

This morning the Holy Spirit stopped me in my tracks with a question – “Why do you worry so much about your relationship with man who cannot determine the course of your life even with their best intentions? Why do you worry so much about man and leave your relationship with the Father unattended? You have not spoken to Him who holds your future in His hands nor sought His face and yet you wonder that your messages to a human remained unreturned?”

I had begun a Bible-in-a-year study and I had missed several days and I wasn’t really worried about it. Somewhere in my mind the thought was “I will get to it” and the days were piling up. I wasn’t worrying about getting to know Him better through His word but I was here dissecting every piece of communication and every moment of interaction with someone I felt was valuable to me. He who gave His all for me, just wanted a little of my time and I wasn’t bothered about giving Him any. Rather, I was hungering for this person’s call, text or message.

When last did I worry that I hadn’t spoken to ‘Him who first loved me’?

When last did I plan to spend time with Him? When last did I seek out his thought on that decision I am planning to make? When last did I worry about pleasing Him? When last did I comb through my day to make sure that I did not offend Him?  When last did I put Him first?

My foolishness is becoming very obvious and I wonder how many of us become encumbered by our relationships with humans and never give a thought to our relationship with our Loving Father.

How foolish I have been to worry about man who cannot turn God’s heart to me instead of ensuring that I was pleasing the God who has every man’s heart in His hand.

Am hoping I will live more wisely, learning to put my time and thoughts on Him instead of worrying about what man thinks, says or does.