Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Men also Deserve Forgiveness, Support the Woman who Forgives her Man

Where is the place of forgiveness in marriage...especially for men?
When a man hurts his wife physically or emotionally and she forgives him, does not throw him out and even stands up for him, she is labelled an abused woman who needs psychological evaluation. Some even go as far as saying she's defending him because of his money. And if it's not the money, it must be the sex.
A wife's forgiveness of the man she promised to love forever is not weakness but rather the pinnacle of strength. A real woman does not love her man because he is rich, she loves him because of the way he makes her feel and also because of his potential.
Women that stand by their men when they make mistakes should be treated as heroes. It is not easy to look beyond the sin and love the sinner.
How can I ever forget Hillary Clinton? She is a very good example of a liberated woman in developed society that chose to honor the marriage commitment; she forgave her husband's very public infidelity. This did not diminish her subsequent achievements, but rather, her husband was a better man for it and her marriage became a stronger model of what commitment is all about. That decision also increased her respect quotient.
Every day we read stories deliberately put in the media to cast doubts on the commitment status of different marriages. I wonder...is the Media out to ensure that every marriage ends in divorce? Are they out to make men of no consequence in families? We can all see the destruction that can be wrought in a society where men are not in their place.
Men are supposed to be the providers and leaders in their home.
I wonder why some people say there cannot be 2 captains on a ship and yet believe that on the Family Ship it is best to have 2 Captains. With 2 Captains on the Family Ship, there will always be conflict and ultimately divorce.
On the Family Ship, the men are designed to be the Captains whilst their wives are the Quartermasters.
As it is on Merchant and even Pirate Ships, the Captain on the Family Ship holds the ultimate responsibility for the overall operation, crew and safety of the home (vessel). They supervise the maintenance and general upkeep of the engines and also ensure the safe transportation of all family members and property (passengers and goods) to their destination.
As the Quartermasters, wives handle and make most of the decisions regarding the day-to-day activities of the Family Ship.The Quartermaster distributes food, work, prize and punishment as required; she is in charge of discipline in minor matters.
The Captain on the Family Ship retains unlimited authority especially in battles but is subject to the Quartermaster in many routine matters. Most importantly, the Quartermaster watches the Captain's back.
Why should we not celebrate women who stand by their men so that they can be effective in their position? Why should a woman who chooses to keep her home intact be vilified, in a marriage where children are involved?
Children are the silent sufferers in divorce and various studies have confirmed it's negative impact on them.
In 1991 Amato and Keith examined the results of 92 studies involving 13,000 children ranging from preschool to young adulthood to determine what the overall results indicated. The overall result of this analysis was that children from divorced families are on "average" somewhat worse off than children who have lived in intact families. These children have more difficulty in school, more behavior problems, more negative self-concepts, more problems with peers, and more trouble getting along with their parents. A more recent update of the findings indicates that this pattern continues in more recent research (Amato, 2001). 
[Excerpt from http://parenting247.org/]
Men married to women are even held to a different standard in marriage. A renowned gay female celebrity announced after her wedding in 2008 that her wife will now cook and clean for her (alone). I didn't hear the media make a sound or did I miss their uproar?
If a man had said that about his wife, they will yell and scream and his career may even end on that note. Double Standard eh?
Please let the media stop their mud-slinging on marriages and men in particular.

Let's learn to accept a woman's decision to support her husband in spite of his misdeeds. She has chosen the more excellent way, she has chosen to forgive.
And men, learn from men like Bill Clinton. When your wife stands by you, make sure that you back her by maintaining an excellent behaviour. Seek help when you need to. Real men are not ashamed to share their weakness with those that can assist them.
Real men will survive.
[Disclaimer: This write-up is in no way supporting or encouraging wife abuse or battering by men]