Keeping a Marriage Together

I recently read a condolence message to Celine Dion about her husband’s passing. As part of that Facebook post, the person wrote “... how you're able to keep a celebrity marriage for 21yrs is a marvel; obviously there was more to you …”.

That post got me thinking of the many times women have been counseled to improve themselves and their offerings to their husbands, even in an abusive situation, so that they can enjoy their marriage. Christians, of which am one, are wont to quote the scripture in Proverbs 14:1 that says “A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.” (NLT). They use this scripture to buttress their point that the success or failure of a woman’s marriage is her responsibility.

Because of this societal expectation, the woman struggles amidst all sort of abuse, most commonly emotional, to fulfill this huge responsibility that has been thrust upon her shoulders. Many times, she fails miserably, because she is not omnipotent and one person cannot do the work of two.

Marriages, whether celebrity or not, work when the couple are committed to their relationship. It works when they value each other and put one another first. There is no place for selfishness in marriage, only selflessness.

The School of Thought that burdens a woman with the sole responsibility of making her marriage work seems to have forgotten that age-long saying that “You can lead a horse  to water, but you can't make it drink.” For us Bible Thompers, as my dear friend calls us, what will be our answer to the question in Amos 3:3, “Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?” (NLT)

Marriage is a covenant and according to http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/, a covenant is 

1. a usually formal, solemn, and binding agreement 
2. a written agreement or promise usually under seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action

At the marriage ceremony, when each person says “I do”, they have agreed to live together in marriage. They have promised to love, comfort, honor and keep their spouse for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to them, for as long as they both shall live. This is a formal and binding agreement.

One respected Pastor tweeted this recently, “Marriage will test the strength of one's character. When marriage fails @ least one person did not have the strength of character ‪#‎AmourDance”.

This is indeed the truth.

So, instead of blaming the woman for her marriage troubles when she seeks help, ask the man how he’s keeping his own part of the agreement.

The reason 85% of intimate partner abuse are women* is that even when people are aware, the man is mollycoddled whilst the woman is asked to make all the changes. When it gets to a point, the woman will begin to bottle up and in her frustration, she may unwittingly escalate the situation.

Men need to tell their fellow men, the truth. In fact, we all need to tell one another the truth.

Successful marriages are the result of two people committed to:

1. staying together
2. putting each other first and
3. loving one another through life’s challenges

*    * http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/23/domestic-violence-statistics_n_5959776.html