OASES OF HOPE

In the last five years, I have experienced the unbelievable, endured unimaginable disappointments and suffered mind-boggling betrayals. My life almost seemed like a desert of unending turmoil. Sometimes, flashes of suicidal thoughts passed through my mind but my Faith kept me.

Many times, I felt like not going on. I wanted to just give up, coil up on my bed and sleep without waking up until the situation passed. The road was rough and the journey seemed endless but somewhere along my way, I run into a smooth patch that gives me a breather.

https://taqplayer.info/beautiful-desert-oasis

These past years have brought many people and positions my way. In some parts of my journey, I have met those that have held my hands over rocky terrain, I have met those that carried me when it appeared I couldn’t go on and I have met those who cheered me on. With these, I sometimes wondered why they cared so much for so long. 

I have also met those that invested so quickly, so deeply and then divested themselves of me almost magically. With these ones, I have wondered what I did to deserve their abandonment and rejection. Then I’ve met those who wanted to remind me, just in case I forgot, that I was not good enough, that I had not done enough or that I was doing too much of a “good” thing. With these ones, I sometimes got very sad but then I remember that they didn’t bring me here. I also remind myself that they had no part in my past so they cannot determine my future.

The turmoil I have undergone these past five years has made me sensitive and very grateful for those moments of respite when I encounter people and events that refresh my soul. These are the oases of hope in my life. These are the instants that encourage me to keep my eyes on the bright future ahead no matter how dim it may seem now. These are the moments that come my way when my neck is bent in pain and they lift my head up and cause a smile to flit across my face, even if fleeting.

I thought that good people don’t go through such pain, so I lived my life trying to be good. Now I know that good is a relative term that can be argued. People can assume the worst about you and believe rumours without bothering to know the truth. I am good, so I say, but many have told me how bad I am and how deserving I am of the difficulties I have faced. Some have said this to my face and some to others behind my back.

But you know what? These are the ones that make the desert seem longer and I do not mind them because they make me appreciate my oases of hope even more.

These oases show up when I least expect it and they tide me over the tough terrains. They are the ones who have kept me sane these past five years.

My oases of hope

braced me when I was broken

refreshed me when I was parched

filled me when I was empty

carried me when I couldn’t go on

comforted me when sorrow took me over

reminded me that trials and tribulation won’t last forever

encouraged me to believe in a better tomorrow

My oases of hope keep me in Faith

Why Are You Here?

Here we are, gathered with open faces

looking like we care, speaking like we care

but look beyond the façade and we see the motives

Some with passionate commitment are there

because they care about the issue

Some because they want to progress personal agendas 

have come to pretend that they do

They come with their own invites

They come to meet him and her

because when they do, they look like they care

It is so easy to be deceived

Our society isn’t looking at the heart but the acts

so the fakes and phonies continue to play their part

A skill so polished, it’s hard to doubt them

Why are you here?

Are you here because you care

or are you here to act the part?

I Want Everybody to Like Me

“I have been trying to be accepted, but God wants me to be myself.” I spoke them aloud out of a deep reverie this morning. These words were the conclusion of my thoughts on the use of my skills and talents, and my community relationships. I’ve learnt the hard way that that being yourself is better than being who people want to be. Those that won’t like you for being yourself will never like you for being what they want you to be.

As I mulled over these words, a close confidant that heard me spoke up and these were his words. “If people don’t like God who created them, why do you expect to be liked by everyone? God did many great miracles in the Bible and He still does great ones today yet there are many who are anti-God and hate Him. He saved His people from their enemies, parted the sea to make a way for them and even sacrificed His only son to save everyone, yet not everyone likes Him. If all people don’t like God, despite His goodness and power, then don’t expect everyone to like you. He is a scientific God that operates on principles. You cannot say because you love Him you will climb to the top of the CN Tower and jump down. He will not stop your death. There are people who hate Him and even get paid to malign His person and reputation but He doesn’t go after them for it. He still loves them but they reject His love and show Him how much they hate Him as often as they find the opportunity. He is impartial and consistent without double standards and in spite of it, not everyone likes Him.”

If you’ve been trying to fit into a certain mold, either of your own making to please people or of people’s making and it goes against your grain, diminishes your confidence in yourself and abilities or makes you feel less than yourself, it is time for you to stop. Stop trying to fit into a mold that is not you. As long as you think right, speak right and do right, please be yourself. Live your life on your own terms not on people’s terms. Do your best with what you have. Reach within yourself and find that voice that is authentically yours and then, use it. Use it to regain yourself for yourself not for anyone else.

Everybody cannot like you but you must like…, no, you must love yourself!

We Are Better Together

I need me as much as I need you

I need me as much as I need us

You need you as much as you need me

You need you as much as you need us

I am me, you are you

Together we are better than you or I

Together we make you and I better

Something in me is yearning for you

I am incomplete without you

I need you to be wholly me

I need me to be me

You need you to be you

We need us to truly be

Inspired by Margaret Wheatley’s “The Promise and Paradox of Community” http://www.margaretwheatley.com/articles/paradox.html, a reading recommended by Royal Roads University’s Organizational Culture Facilitators, Bev McPhee and Randeep Tut.

Poverty is…Everywhere.

POVERTY-MINDSET
http://www.alyciaskousen.com/

 Poverty is not the absence of money but the presence of the obsession to grab as much as 

one can for himself.

It respects financial wealth instead of character. 

It places the incredible above the credible.

It values fame more than faith.

Poverty is what compels a person to tell lies or half-truths about themselves, their abilities and achievements to intimidate their neighbour and look better than them. 

It drives one to compete rather than complement.

Poverty pressurises one to keep up with the Joneses.

It always strives to copy instead of being authentic.

It limits oneself or a fellow human by place of birth or status in life.

It blocks the thinking that opens up possibilities. 

https://donnapartow.com/poverty-mindset/

Poverty is that which keeps a person, an organisation or community set in their ways and unwilling to do things differently to make a change. 

It affects one’s thoughts, words and actions.

We see it at work everywhere in our world, both in Third world countries and even quite glaring in the developed countries.

It can be found in action amongst the economically prosperous, intellectually endowed and creatively talented.

Poverty is a mindset, subtle in its grip and pervasive in its reach. Poverty is…everywhere.

Put Him First

I’ve been worried sick by different relationships in the past couple of days.

Some people in my life seemed like they were no longer there. Relationships seemed to have cooled off.

My messages were not returned and every appointment seemed impossible to meet.

My mind has been whirling with all kinds of concerns. I kept running every conversation through my mind to find where I may have made a mistake.

Did I do something? Was it something I said?

Several thoughts about the situation came and went in my mind. These thoughts flowed through my mind morning, noon and night. I woke up, lived through the day and went to bed with them.

This morning the Holy Spirit stopped me in my tracks with a question – “Why do you worry so much about your relationship with man who cannot determine the course of your life even with their best intentions? Why do you worry so much about man and leave your relationship with the Father unattended? You have not spoken to Him who holds your future in His hands nor sought His face and yet you wonder that your messages to a human remained unreturned?”

I had begun a Bible-in-a-year study and I had missed several days and I wasn’t really worried about it. Somewhere in my mind the thought was “I will get to it” and the days were piling up. I wasn’t worrying about getting to know Him better through His word but I was here dissecting every piece of communication and every moment of interaction with someone I felt was valuable to me. He who gave His all for me, just wanted a little of my time and I wasn’t bothered about giving Him any. Rather, I was hungering for this person’s call, text or message.

When last did I worry that I hadn’t spoken to ‘Him who first loved me’?

When last did I plan to spend time with Him? When last did I seek out his thought on that decision I am planning to make? When last did I worry about pleasing Him? When last did I comb through my day to make sure that I did not offend Him?  When last did I put Him first?

My foolishness is becoming very obvious and I wonder how many of us become encumbered by our relationships with humans and never give a thought to our relationship with our Loving Father.

How foolish I have been to worry about man who cannot turn God’s heart to me instead of ensuring that I was pleasing the God who has every man’s heart in His hand.

Am hoping I will live more wisely, learning to put my time and thoughts on Him instead of worrying about what man thinks, says or does.

Everything you cost me

…

Loving kisses

Warm caresses

Affectionate looks

Companionable silence

Enjoyable meals

Blissful pregnancies

Pleasant labour

Joyous births

Contented motherhood

Peaceful days

Sweet sleep

Happy times

Lovely memories

My love

My heart

My past

My dreams

My passions

My health

My youth

My joys

My smile

My confidence

My Self

Freedom to be

Freedom to live
…

You cost me too much