Moments of Peace

https://www.tes.com/lessons/g13q0ilBNTFIJg/hannah-prays-for-a-son

I would say that I understood the sorrow of Hannah especially at the moment when she laid before the Lord at Shiloh and wept in anguish, praying for a child. I do not. Even though I’ve wept before the Lord severally for my children. What I do know is that she went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad after Eli the priest blessed her [ISamuel 1: 10-18].
I wonder about that moment when she received the peace that took away her distress, and I understand this.

There is a moment when we receive peace right in the center of the storms of life. There is that moment where we have no clue about the way out, but we just find our spirits relaxing in the assurance that “God’s got this!”
That is the moment of freedom. It is that moment I seek, when the waves of despair buffet me and I don’t know what to do. This is the moment that keeps me in Him, praying to Him, relying on Him as He uses the problems I face to bring people into my life to help me, or even to be helped by me.

These moments of peace when the chaos around seems unending are the reason we stay in Faith. It is because we know deep down that no matter how terrible the troubles we face or the crisis we find ourselves, He will take care of us and bring us through it in victory.

You see, God's got this!

BE FOOLISH

Yesterday, on my Community Centre event poster drop offs, I had an interesting experience.

At 5:15pm when I got to the parking lot, there were only two cars on the 60-car lot. It occurred to me that the centre was closed so I wanted to drive off. However, I decided to get down from the car and walk to the door. For courage, I told myself out loud “I’ll just be a fool and walk up to the door”. As I walked, I imagined people in the surrounding houses, peeping out of their windows and having a laugh at my expense. I ignored all those thoughts and got to the door. From outside, I could see a person at their reception and then the automatic doors parted open. SURPRISE!!! It was open! I walked in with a huge grin on my face. On the face of the man at the reception, you could see him wondering about my smile. I told him why I had the grin on.

As I walked out of that place, I wondered how many times we encounter situations like this where we conclude by the scene before us rather than the facts that we have verified. How many times do we judge the outcome negatively without having tried?

How many times have you thought to yourself “My boss won’t agree, see the scowl on her face” or “No-one cares about my idea”. As for me, I’ve had several of those kinds of situations and many times, I didn’t bother to try.

It’s a world of amazement out there when we stop listening to the cants, wonts and donts in our minds.

Today, I want to encourage you to try and be foolish. Risk mockery, disappointment and disdain. Pleasant surprises await you.

WHAT IF TOMORROW IS SILENT?

“…sounds you love but can no longer enjoy.” These are the words that end a radio ad by Canadian Hearing Society. 
As I heard those words, I thought about how my heart fills with joy when I hear my children laughing with one another and wondered what it would mean to lose my hearing and not be able to hear those sounds.

https://esserealis.wordpress.com/2015/05/01/being-real-silence/

Someone I know will always shush the children, saying they were making noise.

Those words made me dwell on how we take our hearing for granted. We assume that we will always be able to hear, so please World, be quiet for now until I am ready to bear your noise. What if you are no longer able to hear when you are willing or ready to hear the world? Think about it...

The sound of running water, crashing waves, howling winds, happy laughter of children, arguments during a game, music, the cheer of fans at your favourite sporting event or even the bitter arguments of disagreement.

Imagine life without sound…silence…lips moving, hands gesticulating, expressive faces…yet silence…only silence…

Be happy to hear. Enjoy the "noise". Appreciate the sounds, they may not last forever. Delight in hearing.

Enjoy what you hear today because you don't know the silence that tomorrow can bring.

Love Enough to Not Hate

My mother died when I was 6 years old and my father died when I was 41.

In all those years, my father never said a bad word about my mother or her family. He honoured her memory and was a consistent participant in all of her family’s events. Any opinions I formed about her family were based on my personal interactions and experiences with them. To me, this speaks to how much my father loved my mother. His love for her transcended her death.

During a time of mega-stress in my marriage relationship, one of my uncles pleaded with me not to say any bad thing about my husband to or in front of my children. I wish I could say I followed that advice.  However, I was forced to after my son told a friend how much it hurt him when I talked badly about his father and just in case that wasn’t enough, in a separate incident, my daughter also told me to stop talking badly about their father.

I learnt my lesson the hard way and since then, I’ve been thinking about my father’s relationship with my mother. One would say they must have had a perfect relationship but I remember clearly one episode, when I walked in on their quarrel, as a 5 or 6-year old. I believe my parents had a love-filled relationship but had times of relationship stress too. That part of their relationship was not shared with us even after my mother's passing.

Sometimes we hear people say they’re in their relationship for their children or that they can do anything for their children. But many times those same people leave scars on the hearts and psyche of the children that they love through their handling of issues with their partners. If we truly love our children, whether we’re still with their second parent or not, our love must be deep enough to not harbor bitterness for that individual even when they hurt us. We do not do it for them but for our children and ultimately, ourselves.

One of John Wooden’s most popular quotes says “The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” This also applies to mothers too, the best thing a mother can do for her children is to love their father.

This is not the passionate erotic love with a sexual angle commonly found between spouses but a deliberate sacrificial love that enables one look beyond the actions, inactions, words and misdeeds of one's partner. This is not love based on merit, but love given as an act of will that overlooks foolishness and excuses weakness. 
This does not mean that you become an enabler of bad behavior but that we leave the door open for our children to relate with their second main blood relative. It also means that we do not burden our children with our disappointment with the individual or relationship.

True love never dies but true love can be rejected. If your love was rejected, don’t let that make you so bitter you begin to speak ill of your spouse to your children. It is hard for pain not to overflow but it is harder for us to watch our children suffer because of mistakes we made by not checking the outpouring of our pain.

"Crying in the Rain" Photo by Alaric Hartsock on Unsplash

It is hard to smile when all you really want to do is cry. It is hard, but as a friend says, it is better to cry in the rain because then, no one can tell the difference. To shield our children from the problems in our relationships with their second parent, we must learn to dignify the messes our partners have made. When the hurt is so bad, we must learn to cry in the rain so that we can protect the innocence of our children and allow them to discover, if necessary, the truth we have shielded them from.

It is not an easy thing to do but we can definitely try for the love of our children, to love enough to not hate!

OASES OF HOPE

In the last five years, I have experienced the unbelievable, endured unimaginable disappointments and suffered mind-boggling betrayals. My life almost seemed like a desert of unending turmoil. Sometimes, flashes of suicidal thoughts passed through my mind but my Faith kept me.

Many times, I felt like not going on. I wanted to just give up, coil up on my bed and sleep without waking up until the situation passed. The road was rough and the journey seemed endless but somewhere along my way, I run into a smooth patch that gives me a breather.

https://taqplayer.info/beautiful-desert-oasis

These past years have brought many people and positions my way. In some parts of my journey, I have met those that have held my hands over rocky terrain, I have met those that carried me when it appeared I couldn’t go on and I have met those who cheered me on. With these, I sometimes wondered why they cared so much for so long. 

I have also met those that invested so quickly, so deeply and then divested themselves of me almost magically. With these ones, I have wondered what I did to deserve their abandonment and rejection. Then I’ve met those who wanted to remind me, just in case I forgot, that I was not good enough, that I had not done enough or that I was doing too much of a “good” thing. With these ones, I sometimes got very sad but then I remember that they didn’t bring me here. I also remind myself that they had no part in my past so they cannot determine my future.

The turmoil I have undergone these past five years has made me sensitive and very grateful for those moments of respite when I encounter people and events that refresh my soul. These are the oases of hope in my life. These are the instants that encourage me to keep my eyes on the bright future ahead no matter how dim it may seem now. These are the moments that come my way when my neck is bent in pain and they lift my head up and cause a smile to flit across my face, even if fleeting.

I thought that good people don’t go through such pain, so I lived my life trying to be good. Now I know that good is a relative term that can be argued. People can assume the worst about you and believe rumours without bothering to know the truth. I am good, so I say, but many have told me how bad I am and how deserving I am of the difficulties I have faced. Some have said this to my face and some to others behind my back.

But you know what? These are the ones that make the desert seem longer and I do not mind them because they make me appreciate my oases of hope even more.

These oases show up when I least expect it and they tide me over the tough terrains. They are the ones who have kept me sane these past five years.

My oases of hope

braced me when I was broken

refreshed me when I was parched

filled me when I was empty

carried me when I couldn’t go on

comforted me when sorrow took me over

reminded me that trials and tribulation won’t last forever

encouraged me to believe in a better tomorrow

My oases of hope keep me in Faith

I Want Everybody to Like Me

“I have been trying to be accepted, but God wants me to be myself.” I spoke them aloud out of a deep reverie this morning. These words were the conclusion of my thoughts on the use of my skills and talents, and my community relationships. I’ve learnt the hard way that that being yourself is better than being who people want to be. Those that won’t like you for being yourself will never like you for being what they want you to be.

As I mulled over these words, a close confidant that heard me spoke up and these were his words. “If people don’t like God who created them, why do you expect to be liked by everyone? God did many great miracles in the Bible and He still does great ones today yet there are many who are anti-God and hate Him. He saved His people from their enemies, parted the sea to make a way for them and even sacrificed His only son to save everyone, yet not everyone likes Him. If all people don’t like God, despite His goodness and power, then don’t expect everyone to like you. He is a scientific God that operates on principles. You cannot say because you love Him you will climb to the top of the CN Tower and jump down. He will not stop your death. There are people who hate Him and even get paid to malign His person and reputation but He doesn’t go after them for it. He still loves them but they reject His love and show Him how much they hate Him as often as they find the opportunity. He is impartial and consistent without double standards and in spite of it, not everyone likes Him.”

If you’ve been trying to fit into a certain mold, either of your own making to please people or of people’s making and it goes against your grain, diminishes your confidence in yourself and abilities or makes you feel less than yourself, it is time for you to stop. Stop trying to fit into a mold that is not you. As long as you think right, speak right and do right, please be yourself. Live your life on your own terms not on people’s terms. Do your best with what you have. Reach within yourself and find that voice that is authentically yours and then, use it. Use it to regain yourself for yourself not for anyone else.

Everybody cannot like you but you must like…, no, you must love yourself!

DON'T BLAME YOU FOR THEIR REJECTION

There is nothing more devastating than rejection because rejection shatters dreams and hopes.
It causes you to stagger on your path. It makes you doubt yourself.
If suddenly your life seems like a catalogue of rejections, you begin to flounder.
Your once strong disposition and belief in your vision crumbles under the weight of despair.
To be rejected by those whom you love is a pain incomparable to none other.
Your safe space suddenly turns to your pain place.
You become scared. Scared to live, scared to love and even scared to laugh.
Could it be me? You ask. What did I do? What did I say? What did they hear about me?
Innumerable questions and a gamut of scenarios spin around in your head.
The truth is, there are no answers to the questions. Even if you asked them directly, their answer would probably be a lie.
Many times those who reject you do not need any prompts. You didn’t cause it. It’s not your fault. You are good enough to be loved. You are worth standing by.
If you feel that your mistakes have given them a good excuse, know that your value is not diminished by your mistakes.
Look at it this way. I went to the bank and for the first time since I got to Canada, I received a $100 bill in the cash I withdrew. “$100 bill!” I exclaimed in my mind.
I kept it inside my wallet and brought it out from time to time to admire. I spent every other lesser bill I had but didn’t want to spend my $100 bill.
Last night I looked inside my wallet and I couldn’t find my $100 bill. I frantically searched everywhere but didn’t find it.
This morning I decided to go through all the garbage cans in the house. I didn’t find it.
I then went to the big garbage can outside and there in a mix of rotten fruit peels, tomatoes and other waste, I saw my precious $100 bill. It was all messed up but I rinsed it off and let it dry.
Let me ask you this question? Did my $100 bill become less valuable because it had been in the garbage with rotten food?
No!
In the same way, you are not less valuable because of your mistakes. Your challenges have not diminished your value in any way. You are still enough for the world. You are enough in every way.
There is no excuse that makes you bad enough to be rejected.

THERE’S SOMETHING TO BE LEARNT FROM THE KARDASHIANS Kim Kardashian – From Shame to Fame

Back in the days, sex used to be something done behind closed doors. Something people spoke about in hushed tones. Back then, men who kiss and tell were vilified and categorized as immature. But the women in that relationship bore the brunt of the humiliation.

In recent times, there has been some changes, men who kiss and tell are no longer viewed as immature but as conquerors but one thing remains the same, the women still bear the brunt of the humiliation.

I remember the story of a girl in Surulere Nigeria whose boyfriend, no, ex-bedmate, circulated a video of both of them in the act. The poor girl was so humiliated, she had to move out of the area but the story never stopped being shared on social media and by word of mouth. Nobody condemned the guy, only the girl got all the scorn.

Why would a man share the intimate details of his sexual escapades with a woman he professed affection for? The only reason I can find is, so that he can destroy her self esteem and ruin her life.

Kim Kardashian changed all that. She held her head up and instead of cowering in shame, she cashed in on it.

Courtesy http://www.dailymail.co.uk/

She rose from the ashes of a sex tape and became a multi millionaire. I would liken Kim’s story to that of Joseph in Portiphar’s house who went to prison on trumped up charges only to be released to become prime minister.

However, her rise was not quite as supernatural but she has continued to leave her critics with a bitter taste in their mouths as she walks upon the high places of this world in spite of their ire.

Today, people still insult Kim with her past but she still walks with her head high. What she gave the man alone to view, she’s now being paid to share everywhere. And since so many have seen her naked body I guess there’s no need to hide it anymore. Some people asked “How will baby North feel when she grows up and sees Kim’s cover with Paper Magazine?”  I say if she didn’t do that cover, her haters still have the sex tape hanging around to show North when she’s old enough. With this cover and the others that came or will come after, she is now in a better position to tell North her reasons for showing her body.  

Kim’s example should motivate every girl whose life has been defined by the men she’s been with, to pick herself up and turn her situation around.

Did you sleep with a coward who kissed and told and now everyone calls you a slut? Were you raped or deceived into sex that left you pregnant and abandoned? Wipe your tears girl, you are not finished. You’ve still got a lot to offer the world.

Look at Kim and tell yourself “If Kim can turn a man’s plan to debase her for sharing her love and body with him into a money maker, so can I.”

Don’t let shamers snuff out your light. Look inside yourself and you’ll see, you’ve still got something our world needs.