OASES OF HOPE

In the last five years, I have experienced the unbelievable, endured unimaginable disappointments and suffered mind-boggling betrayals. My life almost seemed like a desert of unending turmoil. Sometimes, flashes of suicidal thoughts passed through my mind but my Faith kept me.

Many times, I felt like not going on. I wanted to just give up, coil up on my bed and sleep without waking up until the situation passed. The road was rough and the journey seemed endless but somewhere along my way, I run into a smooth patch that gives me a breather.

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These past years have brought many people and positions my way. In some parts of my journey, I have met those that have held my hands over rocky terrain, I have met those that carried me when it appeared I couldn’t go on and I have met those who cheered me on. With these, I sometimes wondered why they cared so much for so long. 

I have also met those that invested so quickly, so deeply and then divested themselves of me almost magically. With these ones, I have wondered what I did to deserve their abandonment and rejection. Then I’ve met those who wanted to remind me, just in case I forgot, that I was not good enough, that I had not done enough or that I was doing too much of a “good” thing. With these ones, I sometimes got very sad but then I remember that they didn’t bring me here. I also remind myself that they had no part in my past so they cannot determine my future.

The turmoil I have undergone these past five years has made me sensitive and very grateful for those moments of respite when I encounter people and events that refresh my soul. These are the oases of hope in my life. These are the instants that encourage me to keep my eyes on the bright future ahead no matter how dim it may seem now. These are the moments that come my way when my neck is bent in pain and they lift my head up and cause a smile to flit across my face, even if fleeting.

I thought that good people don’t go through such pain, so I lived my life trying to be good. Now I know that good is a relative term that can be argued. People can assume the worst about you and believe rumours without bothering to know the truth. I am good, so I say, but many have told me how bad I am and how deserving I am of the difficulties I have faced. Some have said this to my face and some to others behind my back.

But you know what? These are the ones that make the desert seem longer and I do not mind them because they make me appreciate my oases of hope even more.

These oases show up when I least expect it and they tide me over the tough terrains. They are the ones who have kept me sane these past five years.

My oases of hope

braced me when I was broken

refreshed me when I was parched

filled me when I was empty

carried me when I couldn’t go on

comforted me when sorrow took me over

reminded me that trials and tribulation won’t last forever

encouraged me to believe in a better tomorrow

My oases of hope keep me in Faith