Men also Deserve Forgiveness, Support the Woman who Forgives her Man

Where is the place of forgiveness in marriage...especially for men?
When a man hurts his wife physically or emotionally and she forgives him, does not throw him out and even stands up for him, she is labelled an abused woman who needs psychological evaluation. Some even go as far as saying she's defending him because of his money. And if it's not the money, it must be the sex.

A wife's forgiveness of the man she promised to love forever is not weakness but rather the pinnacle of strength. A real woman does not love her man because he is rich, she loves him because of the way he makes her feel and also because of his potential.
Women that stand by their men when they make mistakes should be treated as heroes. It is not easy to look beyond the sin and love the sinner.
How can I ever forget Hillary Clinton? She is a very good example of a liberated woman in developed society that chose to honor the marriage commitment; she forgave her husband's very public infidelity. This did not diminish her subsequent achievements, but rather, her husband was a better man for it and her marriage became a stronger model of what commitment is all about. That decision also increased her respect quotient.
Every day we read stories deliberately put in the media to cast doubts on the commitment status of different marriages. I wonder...is the Media out to ensure that every marriage ends in divorce? Are they out to make men of no consequence in families? We can all see the destruction that can be wrought in a society where men are not in their place.
Men are supposed to be the providers and leaders in their home.
I wonder why some people say there cannot be 2 captains on a ship and yet believe that on the Family Ship it is best to have 2 Captains. With 2 Captains on the Family Ship, there will always be conflict and ultimately divorce.

On the Family Ship, the men are designed to be the Captains whilst their wives are the Quartermasters.
As it is on Merchant and even Pirate Ships, the Captain on the Family Ship holds the ultimate responsibility for the overall operation, crew and safety of the home (vessel). They supervise the maintenance and general upkeep of the engines and also ensure the safe transportation of all family members and property (passengers and goods) to their destination.
As the Quartermasters, wives handle and make most of the decisions regarding the day-to-day activities of the Family Ship.The Quartermaster distributes food, work, prize and punishment as required; she is in charge of discipline in minor matters.
The Captain on the Family Ship retains unlimited authority especially in battles but is subject to the Quartermaster in many routine matters. Most importantly, the Quartermaster watches the Captain's back.
Why should we not celebrate women who stand by their men so that they can be effective in their position? Why should a woman who chooses to keep her home intact be vilified, in a marriage where children are involved?

Children are the silent sufferers in divorce and various studies have confirmed it's negative impact on them.

In 1991 Amato and Keith examined the results of 92 studies involving 13,000 children ranging from preschool to young adulthood to determine what the overall results indicated. The overall result of this analysis was that children from divorced families are on "average" somewhat worse off than children who have lived in intact families. These children have more difficulty in school, more behavior problems, more negative self-concepts, more problems with peers, and more trouble getting along with their parents. A more recent update of the findings indicates that this pattern continues in more recent research (Amato, 2001). 
[Excerpt from http://parenting247.org/]
Men married to women are even held to a different standard in marriage. A renowned gay female celebrity announced after her wedding in 2008 that her wife will now cook and clean for her (alone). I didn't hear the media make a sound or did I miss their uproar?
If a man had said that about his wife, they will yell and scream and his career may even end on that note. Double Standard eh?
Please let the media stop their mud-slinging on marriages and men in particular.

Let's learn to accept a woman's decision to support her husband in spite of his misdeeds. She has chosen the more excellent way, she has chosen to forgive.
And men, learn from men like Bill Clinton. When your wife stands by you, make sure that you back her by maintaining an excellent behaviour. Seek help when you need to. Real men are not ashamed to share their weakness with those that can assist them.
Real men will survive.
[Disclaimer: This write-up is in no way supporting or encouraging wife abuse or battering by men]

FACEBOOK...TO THE RESCUE

This post is dedicated to you my friends. All of you that heard my heart’s cry and answered. I will soon share the testimony of your prayers with you. May the Lord bless you all.

I’ve heard some people say they don’t like Facebook because it exposes your life even without your permission, and so, they do not have Facebook accounts. Some others who have Facebook accounts, are disgusted with those who share their personal details on Facebook. I say, leave people to be themselves and appreciate them...just the way they are. My experience is that Facebook rescued me in an emergency.

I had been grappling with some issues of life for a while and it was becoming overwhelming. I was also in a very lonely place, not knowing who to turn to without implicating myself in another challenge. I had gotten to the end of my tether and was standing on the edge of life and death.

In a moment of desperation, I decided to ask for prayers from those who cared about me. I posted this on my Facebook wall and received an outpouring of prayers and love both on my wall and inbox. I can testify that the people did pray for me because I felt the physical manifestation of the siege being lifted. I received a relief in my spirit and also direction.

In that emergency, Facebook rescued me.

How would I have received the prayers I needed at the time?
When I was putting that post up, I did not even know who cared about me? I did not even know if there was anyone who would be bothered by my situation? I was being bound in a lie but that action of posting on my Facebook wall literarily disgraced the devil and silenced his lying voice. I now know there are people who care about me out there in the Diaspora. It is amazing!

While I was putting that post up, there was the shadow of the thought “What would people think?” but I ignored it because that question is one that dies with death. If you die in your troubles because you were too ashamed of what people will think to seek solution, then you will leave them with not only thoughts but words. They will go all out to say the worst things about you because you ended without victory. Do not seek people’s approval at the expense of your life.

Remember, iron sharpens iron just as a man sharpens the countenance of his friend. We call our connections on our personal Facebook page ‘Facebook friends’. There’s no use having a friend that is of no use in the time of crisis. My experience is that my Facebook friends sharpened, lifted and lightened my countenance.

I appreciate Facebook because it’s made my friends, family and well wishers more reachable. This may have its disadvantages, depending on how many skeletons are in your cupboardJ, but for me, Facebook saved my life.

EVERY NIGERIAN TRIBE IS A SELF-HELP BOOK, WAITING TO BE READ

If you're a Nigerian or you know a Nigerian and you still hanker after self help books, you need to read this.

There are resources right at your fingertips that you have not taken advantage of. It may be that you are not aware of it or that you are so busy staying in your tribal cocoon that you only notice the negatives in the positives around you.

O, what a success you would be if you would appreciate the uniqueness in each of the Nigerian tribes.

Nigerian tribes are as different as night and day in their dressing, food and most especially their culture and traditions. In this diversity some have hinged their dislike and even hatred.

The culture and tradition of Nigerian tribes is reflected in their behaviour, attitudes and perceptions and ultimately, this spills over into their way of life.

With over 250 tribes to learn from, let’s just take a look at the 3 major Nigerian tribes. Let’s view their way of life through the lens of 5 of the most popular self development books in the world.

YORUBA = ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’

The life skills imparted into a Nigerian Yoruba child brought up in the true Yoruba way leaves them with expertise in the art of appreciating people, empathising with people and helping people. A  Yoruba child is taught, from an early age how to appreciate every little thing people do for them, they are taught how to be respectful at all times and they are taught how to be tactful in expressing their opinion regardless of the situation. They grow into experts in human relations and they succeed at it everywhere you find them. Their way of life is a practical study of Dale Carnegie’s bestselling book.

IGBO = ‘Tough Times Never Last but Tough People Do’ + ’Who moved my Cheese?’

Looking back in Nigeria’s history, there has not been a tribe that experienced the kind of suffering that the Nigerian Igbo has. However, no tribe has shown the practical reality of Robert Schuller’s book like the Igbo. They went through the Biafran war and were almost annihilated but they bounced back and can be found doing business in every nook and cranny of Nigeria and in various parts of the world. The Igbo child is trained to use stumbling blocks as stepping stones; they are trained to be tough through tough times. 

The quintessential Igbo man is a combination of Sniff, Scurry and Haw in Spencer Johnson’s book. They are the 1^st to sniff out the cheese, go after it, notice when it’s getting old and adapt to change quickly. The Igbo culture celebrates foresight and their children are trained to hone that skill.

HAUSA = ‘The Art of Happiness’ + ‘Attitude is Everything’

Bona fide Nigerian Hausas, untainted by politics and religious bigotry, are gentle, calm and cooperative people. Regardless of a Hausa man’s life situation, he remains unflustered and nice. Their way of life is a summary of the Dalai Lama and Keith Harrell’s books. You find them smiling through the worst situations. From generation to generation, they’ve got the positive attitude down pat. Hausas are happy, no matter their lot in life.

Many of the skills we purchase books to learn are right beside us. 

By observing that neighbour, that friend, that classmate or colleague, instead of despising their differences, our learning could be made less complicated. By appreciating their unique character strength built from their training and upbringing, you could receive an impartation that will make your life a little easier and even more successful. 

In the life of every Nigerian resides several self-help books, just look and you'll learn so much.

Nigerians, appreciate your diversity, celebrate it and harness the inherent resources.

Drip, Drop, Splash! Don’t Wait.

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.” ― Karen Lamb

3 weeks down already in the year 2014. A year we started with so much hope believing that it would be better than the last. Have we started the year doing things the same way we've always done them? Or are we doing them differently? Our answer could make or mar the accomplishment of our goals for 2014.

We've written our goals and many are still in the place of prayer, even with fasting believing that God will make it happen for them because they started their year with Him. Our lists have been compartmentalized into 6, 7, 8 or even 12 sections to accommodate different areas of our lives. The number of sections on our lists will depend on our ‘school of thought’. Many Schools of thought exist but all of them agree on these 6 areas:

1.         Health
2.         Career (Work, Business)
3.         Relationship (Home, Family, Friends)
4.        Wealth (Financial Security, Finances)
5.         Personal Development (Education)
6.         Social Life ( Recreation, Leisure, Travel)

7 and 8, Spiritual Enlightenment (Spirituality) and Projects, came up in some and not in others.

However, regardless of the length of our lists, there is a subtle, stealthy thief of our accomplishments. That is what will keep us biting our fingers at the end of 2014, wishing we could turn back the hands of the clock, leaving us unfulfilled and frustrated.

“I want to be 20lbs lighter by the December 31, 2014 so I will eat healthy, more veggies, less junk food and no more late night snacking. January 1 is New Year’s Day so that doesn't count, I will begin on the 2^nd. Oh, the children are still on holidays, let me start when they resume school on the 6^th of January...”  “I will have one fun night a week with my husband. There is so much I need to catch up on to get my year ready, I will start next week.”  And so it goes until January ends and we're back to our old ways.

I will, I will, yes I will...later. Very soon, I will start. These are the words that keep us yearning for what we may never see. They leave our lives stagnant year after year.

Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Let’s stop yearning and start doing, a little at a time. Let’s not wait for the perfect moment but take it one day at a time. Little steps that bring us a little closer to our goals each day. Drip, Drop, Splash!

The perfect moment for the achievement of our goals will never come, what we get are imperfect opportunities to create what we desire. 

You see, no amount of prayer can do for you what you are supposed to do for yourself. So, don't wait, start working on your goals now. Just do it! (Courtesy: Nike)