Yes, I am Fat

This poem is for my sister who is blessed with an abundance of fleshly endowments. It is for my friend who is adorned with the embellishments of surplus. For that woman whose fashion finds live in the plus section. You are beautiful. You are special. You are valuable.

I am fat. Yes, that's what I am.

Please don't try to talk me out of it

I saw myself this morning

Yes am fat, and it's okay

I am fat and it shows on me. You can see it in...

the opulence of my body mass

my body's expansive surface area

them thick thighs, love handles and voluptuous curves

I am fat and the reasons may be varied. It could be because...

I inherited the genes

the medications prescribed by doctors "added" to me

life’s curve balls taught my hormones to wrap me in bodily comfort 

Whatever my reason, this fat doesn't make me less. It doesn't...

reduce my intelligence, empathy or humanity 

break down my spirit unless you try to

make me undeserving of love, kindness or care

My fat is a body composition not incompetence. It doesn't mean am...

lazy

a glutton

dirty

You will say I shouldn’t say that, but please…

don't demonize the word

don't feel sorry for me

don’t try to "comfort" me

Fat is just another adjective that I choose to own positively. So when you say fat...

don’t be ashamed

say it with respect, loud and clear

say it and see me – alive, whole and valuable

Yes, I am fat.

For the Mother That’s Not Loved by the Father of Her Children.

For the mother that’s not loved by the father of her children.

You know yourself. You know your situation. And the Lord knows too, and this is His Word for you.

You have been shown and been told that you’re not loved by the father of your children. This may have nothing to do with anything that you did or have not done, but this is the situation that you’ve found yourself and it hurts. To make matters harder, you share children with this man and the research out there about such situations is scary.

Yes, you know that the research says that children who grow up in homes where the father is absent, are more likely to struggle with depression, anxiety, or schooling. Studies even show that when a father is physically present but emotionally absent, they can leave wounds just as deep as one who isn’t there at all.

When you look at your children and then look at what you’re going through with their father, you worry. You may even be seeing some behaviours from them that make you worry whether your children are already a statistic. And you are terrified about their future.

But our God is an awesome God and He turns scientific studies on their head.

Look at the story of Leah.

The Bible records that right from the get-go, Leah was not loved and she knew it. But the Bible tells us that because God saw that she was not loved, He opened her womb, He gave her capabilities that her rival did not have. Also, from among the children of Leah, the woman that was not loved, God established the lineage of the one that saved us - the lineage of Jesus, the Savior of the world.

He also did this in the story of Haggai. She was not loved. In fact, she was used, abused and thrown out. But the Lord established the lineage of her son Ishmael.

In Leah and Haggai’s story, we see that God knows and sees women in such situations. In fact, Haggai was the one that first called God, El Roi - the God that sees me, in the bible.

So if you are a woman who knows what it is to be unloved and emotionally abandoned, and you are worried about your children’s outcomes, please hear this: the statistics do not get the final say. Social workers do not get the final say. Psychologists and therapists do not get the final say. Your God does.

Your children may even be grappling with challenges from this situation already, but know that God can still step in. In fact, He will definitely step in.

Yes, the world’s numbers say your children are at risk. But the Word of God says your children are blessed. The world’s reports predict brokenness. God’s Word declares restoration. Where man’s absence leaves a wound, God’s presence brings healing.

You may also be living with the guilt of having put yourself and your children in this situation by not leaving. But you also know that the situation you’ve found yourself is so complicated by various realities that you only have the emotional bandwidth to do what you can where you are at this time.

Your God sees you. Even if your mistakes led you here, He will not abandon you. That is His promise in Romans 8:38, nothing can separate you from His love.

Take your eyes off the man who does not love you and focus your thought and mind on the God who does. He is writing a story for you and your children that no study, no statistic, and no physically or emotional absent father can destroy. It is well with you and your children.

In Jesus Mighty Name. Amen.

Are you being stressed? Use Your Childhood Picture to Guide Your Self-care

I recently stumbled on my one-year birthday picture and it got me thinking of what I was thinking about when I was a toddler. Was I filled with fear or was I sure that I could get anything I wanted by using my voice? As I looked at the picture, my heart soared with the joy of freedom and faith and it led me into exploring how to use our childhood pictures to guide our self-care practices when we are in a challenging life situation such as an unhappy marriage. 

Women in challenging life situations, such as unhappy marriages, often face unique stressors and emotional burdens. Research shows that women are more likely than men to report being stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, and that women who are in difficult relationships may be particularly vulnerable to these negative emotional experiences.

For women in difficult relationships, self-care practices can play a particularly important role in promoting emotional well-being and reducing stress. As Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains, “In order to have healthy relationships, we need to take care of ourselves first. That means doing things that make us happy and help us relax, even if it means putting our own needs before our partner’s sometimes.”

So, whether you’re in an unhappy marriage, dealing with the challenges of single parenthood, or facing other difficult life situations, self-care practices can be an essential tool for promoting well-being and reducing stress.

How can we use a picture of ourselves as a child as a source of inspiration and strength to guide our self-care routine? 

A childhood picture of yourself can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and self-care. It represents a time of innocence, wonder, and joy, before the stresses and responsibilities of adulthood took over. By looking at a picture of yourself as a child, you can tap into that sense of wonder and inspiration, and find new ways to navigate the challenges of your adult life.

One reason why childhood pictures can be so powerful is that they provide a window into our past selves. We often forget who we were as children and the dreams and desires we had. When we look at a childhood picture, we are reminded of the hopes and dreams we had and the things that brought us joy. This can be a powerful motivator to bring more of those things into our lives as adults.

Another reason why childhood pictures can be so powerful is that they can help us reconnect with our inner child. As adults, we often become disconnected from our inner child, which is a part of us that is playful, curious, and full of wonder. By reconnecting with our inner child, we can tap into that sense of playfulness and curiosity, and find new ways to approach the challenges of our adult lives.

Childhood pictures can also remind us of the love and support we had as children. Looking at a childhood picture can bring back memories of people who loved and supported us, whether it was a parent, grandparent, or teacher. By reconnecting with those memories, we can tap into a sense of love and support that can help us navigate the challenges of our adult lives.

According to research by the American Psychological Association, reminiscing about positive childhood experiences can be a powerful tool for promoting emotional well-being and reducing stress. The study found that people who engaged in positive reminiscence experienced a reduction in negative emotions and an increase in positive emotions. By tapping into the support and love of our inner child, we can access a sense of comfort, safety, and joy that can be incredibly healing, especially in the midst of difficult life situations.

For women in unhappy marriages, reconnecting with their inner child can be particularly important. As Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, a licensed professional counselor, explains, “By embracing our inner child, we can begin to release old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us. We can tap into a sense of playfulness and spontaneity that can help us navigate difficult emotions and situations with greater ease.”

So, whether you’re dealing with the stress of an unhappy marriage, a challenging work situation, or any other difficult life situation, remember that you have the power to tap into the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child.

To use a childhood picture as a guide for self-care, first find a childhood picture that resonates with you. Look for a photo that evokes a positive emotion or memory, such as a picture of you playing with friends, enjoying a favorite activity, or spending time with family.

Next, reflect on what the picture represents to you. Start by simply looking at the picture. Observe what comes up for you. What memories and emotions does it bring up? Do you remember anything about the day the picture was taken? What stands out to you in the picture? Take some time to think about what the picture means to you and how it relates to your self-care. For example, if the picture is of you playing outside, you might connect it to the importance of spending time in nature as an adult. By reflecting on these, you can gain valuable insights into your own needs and priorities for self-care.

The next step is to explore the connections between your childhood picture and your current struggles and challenges. What aspects of your childhood picture resonate with your current life? Are there any themes or patterns that you notice? For example, if your childhood picture shows you playing outside, and you are currently feeling stressed and disconnected from nature, you might realize that spending more time outside is an important part of your self-care routine. If the picture is of you playing with friends, you might connect it to the importance of social connection and make it a priority to spend time with friends as an adult.

Another important part of reflecting on your childhood picture is to identify any negative beliefs or patterns that may have emerged since the time the picture was taken. For example, if your childhood picture shows you singing, but you stopped singing because someone told you that you were not good at it, you might realize that reconnecting with singing could be a powerful form of self-care and healing.

Reflecting on your childhood picture can help you gain insight into your needs and priorities for self-care. It can also help you identify any negative beliefs or patterns that may be holding you back. By taking some time to reflect on your childhood picture, you can gain valuable insights that can guide your self-care routine and help you navigate life’s challenges better.

Connecting your childhood picture to your self-care as an adult can be a powerful way to tap into the memories and experiences that shaped you as a person. Here are some steps you can take to make this connection:

1. Use your childhood picture as a visual reminder. Print out a copy of your childhood picture and put it somewhere you will see it every day, such as on your desk, in your bedroom, or on your fridge. This will serve as a visual reminder to tap into the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child, and to prioritize self-care practices that support those feelings.

2. Reconnect with activities you enjoyed as a child. Think about the activities that brought you joy as a child, such as drawing, dancing, or playing outside, and find ways to incorporate them into your self-care routine. For example, you might start a daily art practice or make time to go for a walk in nature every day.

3. Reconnect with positive memories and relationships. Your childhood picture can remind you of the positive memories and relationships that you had as a child. Take time to reconnect with those memories and relationships, whether it’s by reaching out to a childhood friend or spending time with family members who were supportive and loving.

4. Practice self-compassion. One of the key elements of self-care is self-compassion. Remember that your childhood picture represents a time of innocence and vulnerability, and that it’s okay to be vulnerable and imperfect as an adult. Be gentle and kind with yourself as you navigate life’s challenges, and practice self-compassion as you would with a child.

5. Practice mindfulness and meditation. This can be a powerful way to connect with our inner child and cultivate inner peace and calm. Research has shown that mindfulness practices can reduce stress, improve mood, and even enhance immune function. As the mindfulness teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, explains, “Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally.”

Overall, using your childhood picture as a guide for self-care practices can be a powerful way to tap into the inner strength and resilience that you had as a child. By prioritizing self-care practices that support the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child, you can navigate life’s challenges with more ease and grace.

So, whether it’s through engaging in creative activities, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness, there are many ways to reconnect with your inner child and prioritize your emotional and spiritual well-being. Remember, you are worthy of love, compassion, and self-care, even in the midst of difficult life situations.

While engaging in self-care practices can be a powerful way to prioritize your emotional and spiritual well-being, it’s also important to remember that you don’t have to go it alone. There are many resources and support systems available to women in challenging life situations.

As Brene Brown, popular shame researcher and motivational speaker explains, “We don’t have to do it all alone. We were never meant to.”

In addition to resources like therapy where one can learn new coping skills, gain insight into our thinking patterns and improve on our self-awareness and self-compassion. Online groups can also provide inspiration, education, and supportive connections. Brene Brown said, “Connection is why we’re here. We’re hardwired to connect with others, it’s what gives purpose and meaning to our lives.” I totally agree with her! For many of us, challenges drive us to isolate ourselves but to overcome them, we need to connect with others. 

So, whether it is through therapy, support groups, or online resources, remember that there are many options available to you as you navigate difficult life situations. You are not alone, and you are deserving of support, compassion, and self-care. You are worthy of love, care, and compassion.

Remember that self-care is an ongoing process, and it may take some time to find the practices that work best for you. Use your childhood picture as a guide to tap into the experiences that shaped you and create a self-care routine that is both meaningful and effective for you.

Prioritizing care for ourselves is especially important when life is hard. As Audre Lorde, the American writer and poet who wrote about her journey with cancer in the Cancer Journals said, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.”

Self-care is not always easy. When we’re facing difficult life situations, it can be hard to find the time, energy, and motivation to prioritize self-care. But by using your childhood picture as a source of inspiration, you can tap into your inner strength and resilience and overcome these obstacles. By reflecting on your childhood picture and using it to guide your self-care routine, you can find the strength you need to support your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and live a more fulfilling life.

I want to leave you with a quote from author and speaker Elizabeth Gilbert, who said, “You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to have a voice. You are allowed to leave behind whatever doesn’t serve you. You are allowed to show up in this world exactly as you are.”

Remember to always be gentle with yourself, listen to your inner voice, and prioritize your own self-care. No matter how hard it looks now, the tides are turning in your favour. Believe it. When you do this, messy can’t stop you.

References

How to Thrive in Chaos: Harnessing the Power of Being Present for a Balanced Life in Difficult Life Situations

Self Care Series: Mental Health Advocate, Mayra Gonzalez shares how empathy, counselling and self care nurture emotional wellness

The Cancer Journals By Audre Lorde

This article is adapted from an episode of Messy Can't Stop Her podcast. Listen, follow or subscribe, and share on Apple, Spotify, and other podcast listening platforms.

Enjoying the Moments - Aunt Flo's Monthly Visits and All

I turned 53 this past Spring, on April 29. Yup! 53 candles on the cake! (chuckles) Although, these days cake is more about portion control than indulgence.

There’s a certain liberation that comes with turning 53. Not only does it further establish my membership of the over 50 and fabulous club, I am free to be me. No more second-guessing myself, no more desperately trying to fit into some mold society created. I am comfortable in my own skin. And that’s pretty darn fantastic!

53 also means that my body is transitioning from the fertility that made me a mother of 5 children to the big M that some people find scary — Menopause. So 53 brings me closer to when Aunt Flo will pack her bags and take a permanent vacation.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I am not really going to miss the loss of my monthly visitor, the mood swings, the constant desire to put something in my mouth, and the constant fear of accidentally bleeding through my favorite pair of pants. But there is a sadness and something about it that feels… symbolic too. It feels like the closing of a chapter, the end of an era. And that part makes me a little nostalgic.

I remember back when I was younger, the period anxieties, those days of white pants terror OR the times that Aunt Flo came calling when I was out and about and totally unprepared. I remember those conversations with friends in my boarding school when we wished that we did not need to experience periods.

This got me thinking about life’s moments. Those milestones that come and go without much fanfare and those moments that we do not want to happen. Those moments that when they’re gone, we realize how much they meant to us.

Like my periods. Sure, they were a pain in my uterus, quite literally, but they were also a reminder that I was alive, that my body was doing its thing, whether I liked it or not. We spend so much time dreading and complaining about our periods, but wouldn’t it be amazing if we could tell our younger selves that it’s all worth it? That she should enjoy it while it lasts. That she should enjoy every cramp, every mood swing, every inconvenience because someday, she’ll look back and wish that she appreciated it more.

Life has a funny way of slipping through our fingers when we’re not paying attention, and it’s only when it’s gone that we realize just how precious those moments were.

So, how can we savour life’s moments even when they come with a side of hormonal shifts? How can we avoid getting caught up in the messy middle that we forget to breathe and appreciate the ride? Here are some strategies to help us soak in the moments before they fizzle away into our past.

#1 is Gratitude. Yes, gratitude — taking a moment or two to acknowledge the good around or in us. For example, being able to get regular periods like I did is a blessing. Some women spend lots of money to get their periods to come regularly. So thank God that you get to have those monthly visits.

#2 Be Present. Put down your phone Silence those notifications. When you’re with loved ones, be truly with them. My daughter and my sister went to be with the Lord last year and no matter how much I would like to, I will not have the privilege of spending time with them on this side of eternity again. When you’re with your friends and family, Listen actively, savor the conversation, and soak in the experience. Life is happening right now, not on some social media feed.

#3 Find joy in everyday life. The delicious smell of food, the laughter of your children, the quiet satisfaction of completing a task, the peace in your home. These little moments add up to a beautiful life. Embrace them with joy and gratitude.

#4 Take Care of Yourself. This one is especially important for us women because of the hormonal changes we navigate at different stages of our lives. Make sure that you’re getting enough sleep, eat nutritious foods, and exercise regularly. A healthy body leads to a happier, more present mind.

#5 Be bold and do not be afraid to try new things. You should make this a priority if you are 50 and above like me. Just because you’re a queen with a crown, doesn’t mean the adventure stops! Take a dance class, learn a new language, explore that hidden hiking trail, or join a painting class like me! Step outside your comfort zone and embrace the possibilities.

So, to every young queen who still receives Aunt Flo’s monthly visits, do it with open arms and a smile on your face. They’re just a part of your journey. And trust me, the destination, with all its wisdom, confidence, and yes, even a little bit of hot flash — is pretty darn amazing!

For those who are transitioning into menopause like me, count it all joy that you have the privilege of entering into the next stage of womanhood. And for those who are in the middle of the big M with hot flashes and all, be encouraged because there’s a whole new level of freedom waiting on the other side.

So, here’s to embracing the messiness of life, to cherishing every moment, even the ones we’d rather forget. Because in the end, it’s those moments that make life worth living. So, let’s raise a glass to Aunt Flo and all the chaos she brought into our lives. May she rest in peace… or whatever it is that periods do when they retire.

Remember, you are worthy, you are powerful, and you are enough. Now go out there and embrace the messy magic of life! When you do this, messy won’t stop you. 

This article is adapted from an episode of Messy Can't Stop Her podcast. Listen, follow or subscribe, and share on Apple, Spotify and other podcast listening platforms.

Love because…

Love is a beautiful thing.

Love makes the world go round.

Love heals hurts and love mends broken hearts.

But love can be misunderstood, misrepresented, and misinterpreted.

Being loving can be seen as being weak, foolish, and not good enough.

Showing love could be seen as trying to deceive others to believe that you are a good person.

Working in love could be seen as a trick to hide your incompetence and inadequacies.

Love can cost you in many ways but when it pays, it pays well.

If you ask me, I will say keep on loving.

Show love when they are mean to you.

Stay loving even when you are sad and weary.

Continue to love when they have been deceptive.

Don’t stop loving even when they have betrayed your trust.

Keep loving in season and out of season.

Because you do not do it for them. Because you actually do it for yourself.

Love, because it is the right thing to do.

Love, because our world needs it.

Love, because it is a beautiful thing.

I’ve Forgiven Him

I’ve forgiven him, she says

But start a conversation

And her bitterness will come spewing forth

I have forgiven him, she says

But to hear her speak about him

Is to hear anger in human form

She huffs and puffs

And blows her house down

Breaking her essence down

Physically, she breaks down

Mentally, she breaks up

Spiritually, she falls down

I do not hate him, she says

But if eyes were daggers

He would become a colander

Am over him, she says

But if hearts could be opened

Hers would be darkened by blame for him

Poisoning her from the inside

Stripping her of her person

Tearing her spirit apart

Yet she holds on tight to unforgiveness

Let go, let go, let go of him

Forgive, forgive, forgive him

Choose to heal, choose to live

Choose to let go and let God

23.06.2022: The Weird Day I’ve had

Today was a weird day. I forgot so many tasks and responsibilities. 

I had gotten my podcast ready on Tuesday and did a post on IG about it but forgot to post it until 3pm while lying on the massage table in the therapist’s room.

I had a meeting at 6:30pm on Zoom but forgot and went to the library where we normally meet. After parking my car in the parking arcade two floors above, I took the elevator down and as I stepped into the library, I remembered that the meeting was on Zoom.

I drove back home in a tizzy and got to the meeting late, missing most of the presentation, arriving breathless and flustered.

Well, lucky me, I sat down as they started the free writing bit and along came these words:

Being all mixed up

Late and forgetful

Not knowing what am supposed to do

Not remembering what am meant to do

I don’t understand

What have I had too much of?

What do I need much more of?

What have I dwelt too much on?

What do I need to dwell more on?

I hold my head in worry

I lift my hands in despair

Confused and worried

What is going on?

Am I losing my marbles?

Where do I go to find them?

Where do I need to go to?

Am still mixed up

Sad to say, still forgetful

I pray for you today, my son

I pray for you today, my beloved son

That celebrations will never cease in your life

That your milestones will not be delayed

That the lines will always fall for you in pleasant places

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my darling son

That people will go out of their way to help you

That for you, stumbling blocks will become stepping stones

That with joy and not misery, will you draw from the wells of salvation

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my precious son

That you will walk upon your high places

That you will be present on the day of your recognition

That you will be distinguished for excellence

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my adored son

That you will be a mentor to millions and a teacher to multitudes

That you will stand before kings and not before mere men

That you will be a solution provider to nations

And that life will be easy for you

I pray for you today, my cherished son

That your heritage will indeed be a good one

That you will be a blessing and never a curse

That your rising will bring lifting to many

And that life will be easy for you

In Jesus Mighty Name

All are Welcome

Leaving, staying

Happy, hurting

Online, offline

I still belong

Different, same

Familiar, peculiar

New, old

I am accepted

Speaking, silent

Quiet, loud

Vocal, reserved

I am heard

Conservative, liberal

Ordinary, radical

Outdated, modern

I can be myself

Old, young

Rich, poor

Educated, illiterate

All are welcome

Queens never let the darkness win

I woke up this morning and the dark clouds started to gather

They loomed threateningly over my mind

I tried to shake them off but they hung on tenaciously

With gnarled fingers and crooked nails

They began to sink their claws into my heart

Desperate to shake it off, I searched frantically for a release

I started a task in Word then moved on to another in Audacity

Stepped off that and jumped on Facebook

Sending messages, liking and loving but yet no change

Lots of activity but my mind was still in turmoil

The claws held on but I was not going to let it rest

Desperately I searched my heart and my world

Then I stumbled on a video reminder of my queenship

Monarchs sometimes have to fight for their kingdoms

Not because of what they did or said

But because this life is full of ups and downs

Those who keep their kingdoms don’t stay in the down

When they experience downs, they face it

They face the downs sometimes with courage

And sometimes scared to their pants

Sometimes with fingers firm and at other times shaking

But always never letting their sceptre go

We Queens never let the darkness win

We hold on to the glimmer from our hopes and beliefs

And we clamber out of the valley of darkness 

We make the climb focusing on that glimmer

We make the climb, bruised and bloody, but never giving up

We make the climb no matter how hard

Because that’s what Queens do

Reminded of who I was, I felt the darkness dispersing

A word from others today and a memory from yesterday

And this queen stood up, threw her shoulders back 

And took back her throne with her head held high

This time I am not just keeping my kingdom

Watch out for my expansion!

Some Mothers Can’t Celebrate #MothersDayWeekend

Courtesy https://pxhere.com/en/photo/745052

Yesterday I watched a mother and her son admire my friend’s works at her Art Show, and my heart hurt as I thought about how a God-given privilege has been cruelly snatched away from many by government-approved institutions like Child Welfare Agencies in Ontario, Canada, and the “developed world”. For many mothers, an evening with their child is not possible. They can no longer have those moments with their children because the system has deemed their families unsafe for their children. These mothers are not drug-using, addicted, jailed, sick or dead mothers but mothers who are doing their best to meet the needs of their children.

Mothers are being celebrated everywhere on print, radio, TV, billboards and the internet this Mothers Day Weekend. Among the celebrants and the celebrated are those who have been instrumental in taking away the joy of motherhood from others. Here in Ontario, foster-mothers, counselors and social workers take steps that cause children’s lives to be derailed and in some cases exterminated, and then they go home to celebrate on weekends like this. They do this backed by laws while birth-mothers mourn their losses. The phrase “in the best interests of the child” is touted at different levels and decisions taken remain in the worst interest of the child. Where a mother refuses to let go, parental-alienation tactics are used to ensure that the child rejects their mothers.

The law protects foster-mothers but birth-mothers are left floundering. A foster-mother gets a one-step complaint process with Ontario’s Ministry of Youth and Children’s Services but birth-mothers have to jump through hoops, before they get someone to listen to them, knowing that listening doesn’t mean action. The system funds group homes where children become drug users within a month, make truancy a habit, basically ruin their own lives and no-one cares. Birth-mothers watch with broken hearts and lives while the government-backed institutions destroy their children’s lives. They pray that their child will not be the body of the 16-year old found dead in an alley or the 18-year old whose body was found six months after being declared missing behind the group home where he lived. These birth-mothers hope and pray that their child will not be the next one to kill themselves or be killed while in care. They hope and pray they do not receive that news. They hope and pray that in spite of this system that punishes responsible birth-parents, that one day their children will truly be allowed to “live” again.

As Canada celebrates Mothers Day weekend, these mothers cry for justice, they cry out for change in this system. As you celebrate Mothers Day, lend your voice and your pen to the cries of these mothers who do not want to be celebrated for a weekend, but who want their children to receive the love they need to be balanced and successful, so that they will live lives worthy of being celebrated.

The Other Side of The Coin

I heard it many times, indeed I’ve heard it before

There are always 2 sides to a coin

Spoken, advised and counselled

I thought my side was the only side

Though I said otherwise, my actions spoke louder

Offenses, offended and offending

Constant turmoil was my lot

With friends, family and foes alike

No peace, no joy and no way forward

Stagnated, immovable with heart rended

Then along came Zhenyi, Bev, Randeep and Wendy

And they opened my eyes to new ways of seeing

Seeing, being and living life through new lenses

These coins had other sides

Dare to see the other side, I learnt

I did, and freedom was mine

Enlightened, I realized…

Am not a know-all, see-all and be-all

My past is not the only past and my present, not the only one

If I paused to listen and consider, I will find

There’s something beyond my sight and experience

Places I haven’t been and situations I hadn’t encountered

If I took the time to be patient, I will discover

Those lives I haven’t lived and moments still unmet

It took me a while, in a long and hard way

But I can tell you from this walk

There are indeed, 2 sides to every coin, even my own

There can be no Women's Empowerment without the Sisterhood #IWD2018

C. Joybell C., a leading female thinker and award-winning writer, said “The only thing that makes our gender weaker, is the fact that we are the gender less likely to stand up for the other. We are the gender more likely to try and make another look bad, and when one of us is already bad, instead of being kind, we pound them into the ditches. And that's what makes us weak, nothing else. If we can change this, we can change the whole structure of our being female, I truly believe this. Personally, I grew up admiring other women and wanting to be friends with them, but unfortunately, I learned the hard way that they were the ones who would hurt me. Women hurt other women all too often, and that's a fact.” Do these words sound familiar to you?

Today is International Women’s Day. A day set aside to celebrate and encourage women. On this day different organizations will join the “me too” bandwagon, in their bid to be politically correct. Today multinationals, non-profits, governments, political juggernauts and doyens of industry will roll out a gamut of advertisements, speeches, events and social media to endorse women’s empowerment and commemorate March 8. But after all these activities what comes next? Do women really become stronger and more confident, especially in controlling their life and claiming their rights, because of these activities?

From the experiences shared by women like C. Joy C and many others, the empowerment of women is more than the activism on podiums and parks promoted in the media. True empowerment of women comes from the bonds of genuine sisterhood. When women rise to support other women, beginning from within their communities, all women are strengthened – both the supporter, the supported and the community at large. Without a sisterhood that builds the broken, supports the weak and unites the divided, women empowerment may very well be all bluff and bluster.

This is not the social media support to a woman far away whom you may never meet or the advocacy against a perceived or anticipated wrong. Activism is good but let us start by healing and helping fellow women near us. Begin with women at work, your neighbour, your clients, the little girl in your class. Do it not because it makes you look good but because there is strength in unity. How can you claim to support those you don’t know when those who know you are languishing? The sisterhood is around first, before abroad.

In our bid for this empowerment, we hear it said directly or implied that men hold us down but for many the worst pain has come more often from fellow women than men. From female supervisors who are insensitive to the working conditions of pregnant staff, to female helping professionals stigmatizing their female clients. What about that fear that makes struggling women keep their challenges to the point of death rather than expose themselves to the ridicule and stigma from sisters who use their tongues as weapons of mass destruction? Nobody really wants to be branded with their challenge. From Church to the secular world, from mosque to school, we see women who amplify the limitations of their kind instead of supporting them through it.

For women to be truly empowered, the sisterhood needs to be all-encompassing, welcoming and accommodating. Some may disagree and say that there is a sisterhood of women that is all these and more, because they have a sisterhood of friends or faith partners. However, the sisterhood that will remove the barriers to the empowerment of women cannot afford to be that narrow. Genuine sisterhood will have to be one that embraces and supports everyone that needs it regardless of age, colour, status or creed. As Barbara W. Winder, the 11^th general president of the Relief Society of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints says, “We can have unity in diversity and diversity in unity. We don't have to be like one another to enjoy sisterhood.”    

On this International Women’s Day, let us remember that men are in many cases not the enemy. For many women in our world today, the enemy is another woman, whether a colleague at work, a church or mosque member, a mother-in-law or even a “friend”. As we give those speeches and write those posts, today, let us remember that the sisterhood needs to be strong to truly empower the sisters. We women need to start reaching out of our comfort circles to the different whether in opinion, position, status, or any other, because as Robin Benway puts it, “there’s one thing stronger than magic: sisterhood”.

Moments of Peace

https://www.tes.com/lessons/g13q0ilBNTFIJg/hannah-prays-for-a-son

I would say that I understood the sorrow of Hannah especially at the moment when she laid before the Lord at Shiloh and wept in anguish, praying for a child. I do not. Even though I’ve wept before the Lord severally for my children. What I do know is that she went her way and ate, and her face was no longer sad after Eli the priest blessed her [ISamuel 1: 10-18].
I wonder about that moment when she received the peace that took away her distress, and I understand this.

There is a moment when we receive peace right in the center of the storms of life. There is that moment where we have no clue about the way out, but we just find our spirits relaxing in the assurance that “God’s got this!”
That is the moment of freedom. It is that moment I seek, when the waves of despair buffet me and I don’t know what to do. This is the moment that keeps me in Him, praying to Him, relying on Him as He uses the problems I face to bring people into my life to help me, or even to be helped by me.

These moments of peace when the chaos around seems unending are the reason we stay in Faith. It is because we know deep down that no matter how terrible the troubles we face or the crisis we find ourselves, He will take care of us and bring us through it in victory.

You see, God's got this!

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD: When Your Kinsman Does not Help

Have you ever felt bad that a family member didn't help you when you thought they could? 

See what the Lord told me about that:

He referred me to the book of Ruth and reminded me that there was a kinsman closer than Boaz to help Naomi but that kinsman refused to help her. Because that person said "No", Boaz became Noami's kinsman-redeemer. Boaz not only redeemed Naomi's husband's land, he also married her daughter-in-law and gave her a grand child to carry on the lineage of her husband and son. 

When she came back from the land of Moab, she told them to call her "Mara", because her life was bitter. She was helpless and unhelped by her closest relative, but God sent another, not the expected person, but somebody who would do more, to give her more support than she could have imagined.

Do you feel like your closest relatives have abandoned you? Know that there is a kinsman-redeemer, someone not even as close as your expected but close enough to be used by the Master to meet your need. 

Take your focus off your expected ones and trust God because, he is sending you someone and something better than you expected. #TrustHim [The Book of Ruth, Ephesians 3:20]. 

Rest assured that your Kinsman-Redeemer is coming!

CONVERSATIONS WITH GOD: The Pencil

Me:       How long, o God, will I wait for your intervention? I have obeyed your word to the best of my ability. I have been kind and good, forgiving those who wrong(ed) me and helping those in need. I have not avenged the wickedness and cruelty I've received from others. 

Lord, I have been praying for so long, and many have been praying for me, yet the issues remain. Why are you not doing anything? Why can't I see a change? I am tired of waiting, Lord, I am tired.

God: My dear child, I am here with you. I will not let any harm come to you. Though it seems I am not doing anything, I am still in control. I do not want you to depend on the best of your ability because it is not enough in a world where you are hated by the enemy for being made in my image. You need to depend on my ability to help you. This trial is for your promotion. 

Do you see the pencil? It begins as a piece of wood and goes through trimming, drilling and paring. That piece of wood goes through pain to be sharpened for use. You have a divine purpose and this trial is trimming off relationships and habits that are hindering you from progressing into your purpose. Your experiences are drilling through your emotional weaknesses to replace them with the strength you need to overcome the challenges to your purpose. You are being sharpened to hone you for the fulfilment of your purpose. You are in the Master Woodworker's hands and he's paring off every piece that is not useful for your destiny. At the end, you will be sharp and pointed to focus on your purpose. 

Trust me, my darling child, I have your best in mind.

It Will End in Praise

How much pain can a man take? I asked

How much heartache can a woman endure? I wondered

Will this ever end? I thought?

What have I done to deserve this? I cried

A life full of challenges and limitations

Unanswered questions besieged me

I cried till my tears dried

Eyes hurting, chest heaving and mouth dry

And suddenly…

Just like a dream…

Broken pieces came together

Crooked lines aligned

Hope came alive

I couldn’t believe it…

Can this be happening? I doubted

Is this for real? I pondered

All this for me? I mused

My heart leapt, my eyes lit up and my mouth smiled

I heard it before, though hard to believe

I’ve read it somewhere, but never thought I’ll see it

But right before my eyes, it’s unfolding

This pain will end in praise

My endurance was worth it

I will triumph over the trauma

A victim no longer, because victory is now mine

Halleluyah!!!

BE FOOLISH

Yesterday, on my Community Centre event poster drop offs, I had an interesting experience.

At 5:15pm when I got to the parking lot, there were only two cars on the 60-car lot. It occurred to me that the centre was closed so I wanted to drive off. However, I decided to get down from the car and walk to the door. For courage, I told myself out loud “I’ll just be a fool and walk up to the door”. As I walked, I imagined people in the surrounding houses, peeping out of their windows and having a laugh at my expense. I ignored all those thoughts and got to the door. From outside, I could see a person at their reception and then the automatic doors parted open. SURPRISE!!! It was open! I walked in with a huge grin on my face. On the face of the man at the reception, you could see him wondering about my smile. I told him why I had the grin on.

As I walked out of that place, I wondered how many times we encounter situations like this where we conclude by the scene before us rather than the facts that we have verified. How many times do we judge the outcome negatively without having tried?

How many times have you thought to yourself “My boss won’t agree, see the scowl on her face” or “No-one cares about my idea”. As for me, I’ve had several of those kinds of situations and many times, I didn’t bother to try.

It’s a world of amazement out there when we stop listening to the cants, wonts and donts in our minds.

Today, I want to encourage you to try and be foolish. Risk mockery, disappointment and disdain. Pleasant surprises await you.

WHAT IF TOMORROW IS SILENT?

“…sounds you love but can no longer enjoy.” These are the words that end a radio ad by Canadian Hearing Society. 
As I heard those words, I thought about how my heart fills with joy when I hear my children laughing with one another and wondered what it would mean to lose my hearing and not be able to hear those sounds.

https://esserealis.wordpress.com/2015/05/01/being-real-silence/

Someone I know will always shush the children, saying they were making noise.

Those words made me dwell on how we take our hearing for granted. We assume that we will always be able to hear, so please World, be quiet for now until I am ready to bear your noise. What if you are no longer able to hear when you are willing or ready to hear the world? Think about it...

The sound of running water, crashing waves, howling winds, happy laughter of children, arguments during a game, music, the cheer of fans at your favourite sporting event or even the bitter arguments of disagreement.

Imagine life without sound…silence…lips moving, hands gesticulating, expressive faces…yet silence…only silence…

Be happy to hear. Enjoy the "noise". Appreciate the sounds, they may not last forever. Delight in hearing.

Enjoy what you hear today because you don't know the silence that tomorrow can bring.