I don’t get it. Do You?

I heard my friend’s husband talking to someone on the phone on Saturday afternoon.

Apparently, he was advising a younger male friend on his relationship. He told the person he needed to make

his lady feel secure in the relationship by tangible expressions of his affection and love for her. He advised him to spend time with the lady and also take her on outings like going to the movies, shows and things like that. He also told him to call and text her with professions of his love. He also told the person to persuade her to take him home as proof of his seriousness about the relationship.

When I heard his advice to the person, I was really surprised but not in a good way.

You see, this my friend’s husband has not been a nice man to her at all. In fact, in the past decade that I've known them, he has never done any of the things he was advising this person to do for his wife. My friend cannot remember the last time he took her out, because it’s been that long.

We've been blaming his behavior on his background but hearing his part of this phone conversation made me conclude that his maltreatment of my friend was deliberate. He knew the right way to treat a woman but he didn't want to treat his wife in that way.

This got me thinking about the issue of domestic violence.

Sometimes, people blame alcohol, drugs, frustration and things like that on a man’s abuse of his wife but thinking of it, it’s not really the truth because…

When a man is drunk, he doesn't beat up his drinking buddies but he can beat up his wife and blame it on the alcohol.

When a man smashes up things in the house because he’s angry or frustrated, he normally smashes up his wife’s things and not his own.

So, these men know what they’re doing. They choose to hurt the women who have submitted to them because they know she loves them and they've taken that love for granted. In spite of these conclusions or assumptions, I still have a lot of questions on why these men abuse the women who have sacrificed so much for them.

I am still reeling from the realization that my friend’s husband knows the right way to treat a woman, but is deliberately messing up his wife and children’s lives and ultimately his own.

I don’t get it. Do you?